Interspersed between waves of nauseating irritation I feel undulations of love passing my way like a gentle breeze blowing warmth over my cold, stubborn heart. And I’m touched by sorrow and happiness all at once.
Such a fine line; I’m beginning to discern what is me and what isn’t, but it all flows together like plumes of iridescent oil in water, so that all that separates the two is the thin film of tension that equally unites them.
Blue mood. Blue as the deep night; that’s how I feel. Darkest blue, the colour of wisdom, of deepest knowing. Yet so far from the red of this temporal state I know as Me.
I’m a long way from home, that place in my heart that bears the imprint of a warming memory like a fine-line tattoo of a map I gave myself never to forget. Those lines feel heavy at times, cutting deep fissures into the mountain-scape of my soul where rivers of knowledge flow fast and deep, over rocks and ambient pastures, creating great cascading waterfalls that change the texture of the land. Of me; and I’m not the same from this moment to the next. Most of the time I am without name or face. A collection of thoughts that resemble a notion of a person. Never really sure of my footing. One moment sliding, one moment wading through thick conscious mud.
Lost at sea, on a boat in the middle of an ocean. Deepest darkest blue. The wisest of all colours.